A patient died yesterday. I am oddly okay about it, which is good, you know, in the grand scheme of things but that day I felt disconnected from myself, like I was watching a different version of myself who is nonchalant about that death, like it will just be another number or a name or a statistic.
I was monitoring him closely. I know the patient is going to die sooner or later, it was inevitable. I don’t blame myself anymore for things beyond my control. I used to do that —even the most remote, irrelevant thing I somehow blame it on myself, as if my own existence is at fault for such tragedy.
I will be on night duty today, so yeah. Need to get ready and stuff.