I got home after 10 hours. It was more toxic than usual because somebody coded and we had to intubate the patient. Well, they had to intubate the patient. I just watched there in restrained panic, fetching things for them and trying my best to help. I’m quite helpless like that.
To be honest, at that moment, I thought about not wanting to do this my entire life. I imagined myself quitting nursing and pursuing a different career. My imagination lacked the pomp it usually has because I was in the middle of trying to grasp the flow of things. And keeping flashbacks at bay. The patient is stable now. Hopefully still.
Well, kudos to me for surviving this.
Is it bad that I’m looking for an opportunity to change careers?