Edge of reason

She never was one for idle thoughts. It was as if she’s compelled to brood about something important all the time, as if the fate of the world depends on it. She would always have this wrinkle on her forehead even if she’s not wrinkling her whole face in consternation. Her eyebrows would always be drawn together while she worry her lower lip to oblivion. She was a somber neurotic child.

Most of the time she is just drowning in her own queries and insecurities that she would just stare off into space. She would always have a sort of blankness in her eyes; a dull sort of darkness that you could drown into. Then suddenly, as if from a trance she would, in a flurry, gab about this and that while methodically attacking whatever task she has at hand. She would repeatedly vacillate between her bouts of inactivity and bursts of energy at random moments that one can never keep up with her.

It has, unfortunately, put a dent in her already abysmal social life. Not that she was a pariah or something akin to that. Some people just view her as eccentric, but for some, they already put her inside the loony bin.

When she is happy though, she is really happy, almost bordering on ecstatic. Nothing could go wrong, nobody is bad, everything is practically bathed in sunshine and rainbows. It was a sort of happiness that consumes you. The almost forced kind of happiness that you have when you’re desperately running away from something unpleasant.

It would wear her out, then the insecurities and fears that she desperately keeps at bay would start creeping in the crevices of her walls. Everything would be tinged in gray, everybody is worthy of paranoia and she would be the posterchild for ridicule.

She tries to keep her demons from consuming her, she tried fighting them, running away from them, and ignoring them, but alas, nothing can dissuade them from nipping at her heels. Then, as always, she succumbs to them. Everything would be dark, everyone is out to get her, and she would be helplessly curled up in her own fears.

So, I tried doing this sort of character description. This has been in my drafts for as long as I can remember and I just found the will to finish it. I don’t have bipolar disorder, but I did study about it and I knew people who had it, so if somebody with the said disorder finds this description wholly erroneous, I’m sorry and please tell me what I got wrong.


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