Ambivalence

It is that niggling doubt that haunts your every waking thought, or even some of your dreams. That moment when you are stuck in a crossroad, unable to move, unable to think. You try to weigh the pros and the cons of taking which path, but they seem so equal that you are left stranded in the middle, unable to move forward.

You fill your mind with what if scenarios, repeating them over and over until their catastrophic weight cripples you. You know you need to move forward, so you tell yourself motivational spiels while simultaneously chiding yourself how foolish your ideas are. It’s maddening, as if somebody is tearing your mind apart.

There comes a time when you just want to drop the whole thing, not to make a choice, but then you realize that doing that will constitute another set of circumstances.

You restart the process; thinking, weighing, thinking again.

But then, time would pass and that opportunity will be gone forever. You wouldn’t notice that you’ve grown roots in your place, holding you down while you think and think and think.

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